If I didn’t write in my journal this morning, I’m pretty sure I would have exploded.
I’ve been having a lot of feelings lately. Just pick an emotion, and I’ve probably felt it at some point within these past couple of weeks, if not all within these past few days.
Unfortunately, I have not been on top of my reflection/processing game as I usually am. My job keeps me busy, so there’s always a crazy long list of things to do, but this season of work at the beginning of the academic year is always a bit more chaotic and crazier. I’m more physically tired, so it’s easier for me to prioritize sleep over reflection, and I am stretched way out of my comfort zone more frequently in this season, so it’s easier to re-energize with other life-giving activity and overlook taking the time to pause and be still.
But I decided that today I needed to make sure I did that before all my feelings spilled out of my sleeves.
As I was reflecting in silence, I noticed how the clouds were moving pretty quickly through the perfect blue sky. It made me think about how stressed out I and other recovering perfectionists like I can get about things not going the way we planned or hoped, or the unfinished tasks and failed attempts to complete them – and yet the earth keeps on spinning and the clouds keep on moving no matter what the outcome is.
It kind of felt like the beginning of a song. The words would be different, of course, because the image of clouds feels pretty cheesy to me, but I like it as a subject – the constant rolls of stress and yet the little control of movement we have and the reminder to slow down, take account of the really important things, and don’t forget that the world won’t fall apart if we mess up.
That’s about as far as I got with the idea, though, because I still needed to sort through my trough of feelings (ugh, feelings). But I wanted to write a little bit of something here to remember that moment and that little idea to see if I could spend some more time on it later. Kind of like when you have an idea and you grab a napkin because you want to write it down before you forgot and that’s the first or only writing receptacle you can get your hands on.