Making friends when you’re an adult can be hard. It’s especially hard when you don’t have co-workers in the regular sense of co-workers working alongside of you in an office. Or, you know, you’re not part of a church community or a small group (not because I don’t want to be – that would be a whole other blog post). When you’re an introvert who can also be shy at times, it tacks on another barrier.
The funny thing is, I’ve found that lately, I don’t have a difficult time initiating. My husband may argue otherwise, often seeing how I become a giant messy ball of nerves when it comes to talking to new people at social events or even just making a phone call to a restaurant to place an order for take out. Lame, I know. And it’s true.
But it’s been almost 4 years since we first moved to this brand new city where we knew no one, and I’ve come a long way. For the first year or so, I moped around and grieved over not having friends and family from college or back home around. And even at that time a lot of my relationships with them were strained. Then I began to realize that while I was feeling sorry for myself that none of my friends from back home reached out to me very much, I wasn’t necessarily putting in the effort on my end to be a good friend to them. So I started putting energy towards trying to initiate with them instead of waiting for them to initiate with me. A year or two pass, and Nathan and I have started to grow our networks and connections with people. Some of it accelerated because we began an intentional living community, and gained some awesome housemates who also had connections with other people.
At that point I almost started drifting back into moping mode – Nathan and I had invited and initiated get-togethers with some potential couple friends several times, but found that after 2, 3, 4 times of getting together, none of them seemed to reciprocate with us. It was sad thinking that the reasons were probably one of two – either they already had enough friends and weren’t looking to make new ones, or they just didn’t really connect with us or like us that much to be able to reach out to us. Insert more moping.
The same thing seems to be happening a bit now with women I’ve initiated with for friend dates, and it’s so, so, tempting to just give up and call it quits. It seems easier to just accept that in this season I’ll have no best girl friends in Rochester. And maybe I’ll just bide my time until I (hopefully) have children one day and try again to make friends with other mommies. That’s the spirit, right?